Nothing natural about it, public farting in Malawi will soon be punishable by Local Courts. As parliament gears to meet this January month-end, a roll of expectant bills are on the Speakers' waiting list - chief strange among them, the proposed Local Courts Bill of 2010. Most Malawians are surprised. Many think this is childish, and others have responded with the most cynical of jokes.

The proposed bill seeks to introduce a new genre of courts, the Local Courts, primarily to dispense familiar and affordable justice for the ordinary Malawian in line with the spirit of the Constitution.

And the cynic humorists call the bill work of old guys with nothing better to do'. Also just recently passed is the law to authorize the minister of information and civic education to ban any publication when he deems it fit - 'for public protection'.

This, however, is a case - Malawi style - for those in the media. It is their headache, but for the Local Courts Bill of 2010, most Malawians cannot almost believe this, till after they hear it themselves on radio or read from one of the newspapers.

It smells more than crazy.

Though farting is natural, some discipline needs to come in, argue protagonists. Government is intent at punishing any air fouler, and also proposes to punish any idle and disorderly person and drunken persons who behave the wrong way.

Malawi has also experienced bizarre incidences where bereaved families have hung to dead bodies, refusing their departed loved ones burial following strange beliefs mostly religious.

The farting irony is not all the 'old' heads at the August House are targeting. Pretender fortune tellers will be given a speedy courier up the highway to prison.

Malawians are also blessing for more than just regulated 'bad air' laws. Rogue and vagabond, endangering or obstructing in public way or line of navigation and those in unlawful use of vehicles and animals will also be answerable under the same laws.

Random interviews carried out by Africanews show many Malawians are surprised at this 'strange' law.

"Well, they expect me to hand myself over to police or something. I just fouled the air laughing about this same proposal," said one.

"We are serious issues affecting Malawians today. I do not know how fouling the air should take priority over regulating Chinese investments which do not employ locals, serious graft amongst legislators, especially those in the ruling party, and many more. I cannot understand the inclusion of this part," expressed another.

"My goodness. What happens in a public place where a group is gathered. Do they lock up half a minibus and how about at meetings where it is difficult to pinpoint 'culprits'? Again, this will be seen to have brought insubordination of children who will openly deny having passed bad air and point at an elder.

Culturally, this is very embarrassing," she expressed concern.

Leader of the Opposition in parliament, veteran Malawi Congress Party assembly-man, John Tembo, believes establishment of the 'kangaroo' like court is not ideal for any democracy.

"It is tactic and Malawians cannot in all fairness appreciate the integrity of this proposal. I do not think in a multiparty state we can have too parallel court system," he told a local radio.

Tembo said the government has some 'intelligent people' who should give the voice of reason not to bring back the traditional courts which were abused in the one party dictatorship. Ironically, most Malawians blame Tembo of being the chief abuser under the authoritarian regime of 1964 - 1992 when a landmark referendum ushered in a multiparty era.

"We do not agree with it. The courts system as of now is doing its best. There is nothing wrong with the present court system. Why have some kangaroo type of court come in," he wondered on Capital FM.

Asked if the minority opposition rejection of the bill will 'hold water", Tembo said: "whether it will hold water or paraffin or petrol I don't care but parliament is an institution through which opinions representing people who are represented in parliament are expressed."

Offenses under the Local Courts Bill 2010 include punishment of any person disturbing religious assemblies, trespassing on burial places, and insulting the modesty of a woman; punishment of any master who is not providing for servants or apprentices.

Those endangering safety of persons traveling by railway and those fouling water will also be punished. The Local Courts will also handle offenses to deal with us of insulting language, conduct likely to cause a breach of the peace, common assault, unauthorized use of land and premises, writing or uttering words with intent to wound religious feelings and setting fire to crops, possession of stolen property and cheating, among many others.

The Local Court is also expected to handle offenses in relation to publications, importation of which is prohibited, publication of false news likely to cause fear and alarm to the public.

According to the bill, the Local Courts will also handle offenses of carrying offensive weapons without lawful authority or reasonable excuse, fighting in public, challenging to fight a duel, deceiving witness, destroying evidence, escape and removal of property under lawful seizure.

Other offenses punishable by the Local Courts include criminal trespass, dealing in poisonous substances in negligent manner, offensive trades, disobedience of statutory duty, false declaration for passport and obtaining registration by false pretense.

The proposal to introduce a new genre of courts is based on the report of a Special Law Commission on the Review of the Traditional Courts Act dated 14th September 2007.

"The Special Law Commission recognized that Magistrates courts can never replace Local Courts due to the differences in practice and procedures. Access to justice by the ordinary Malawian residing in the rural areas shall be denied if all matters including customary civil matters, continue to be handled by Magistrate Courts which are ill-equipped to handle such matters,"; reads part of the bill.

Farting is often not discussed under conservative cultural and traditional beliefs and elders usually shout at youngsters for messing the air as an alibi - when they are the culprits!